i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
