Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
