so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
