he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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