i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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