First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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