I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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