Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
