you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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