Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
