We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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