yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
