Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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