You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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