In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
