You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
