just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
