dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
