Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
