my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
