yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
