It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
