billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
