No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
