you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize