we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
