Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
