I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
