Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
