I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
