and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
