you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
