I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
