evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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