I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
