i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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