A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
