True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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