oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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