You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
