And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
