So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
