If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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