theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
