I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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