Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
