OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
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