I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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