Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
