whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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