champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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