I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
