If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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