Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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