i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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