So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
no, he came in my armpit
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
