Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
