I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
