I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
