i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
