Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
