it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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